I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Randomize
