There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize