My friends, they love my intelligence
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
