I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
