mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize