i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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