My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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