I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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