I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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