Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
