Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize