Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
