I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
