Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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