Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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