WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
