Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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