I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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