oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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