Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
