nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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