I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
