this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
