totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
