I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
