i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
