can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize