A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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