tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
