I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
