My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
