you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
