I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
