After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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