Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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