Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
