Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
