Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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