Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
