my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
