Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize