Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
