Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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