I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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