You just made me feel so damn special
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
