Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
