break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
