I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize