you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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