I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Oh god it's open bar.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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