we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm like, not good at living.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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