i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize