I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
