at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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