when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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