Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
