Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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