My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
