Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
