I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
