You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
