Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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